This article was published in the Vancouver Columbian in 2006, in the Inspirations section. It was written by Larry Books, of Gallery Florist, who wrote for the Columbian Inspirations "Designer's Eye" column for four years about flowers and plants.

Have You Ever Purchased Sympathy Flowers?

Not a hot topic or one that you really want to hear about, yet one that affects us all at some time in our lives! Whether it is for a loved one, a neighbor, friend, co-worker, or acquaintance, there are some fundamental things that if you are aware of, can make saying you care and will miss a person, so much easier to do. Don’t want to read this now, file it away, as we all we will want and need this information at one time or another!

My first recommendation is to see your local florist for help. You wouldn't buy wedding flowers on the Internet for that very special day and buying funeral flowers for a loved one is something that the help of a professional warrants as well! Your florist works with others ordering sympathy, or funeral flowers, on a daily basis and can help you with many of the questions you never think of until the time arises. They will do so in a very caring and professional manner. As the owner of Gallery Florist, along with my wife Janet, the real florist in the family, we see grieving people every day. I see and hear the compassion exhibited by our floral designers and sales associates and know what a hard job it is to help those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is a hard time for everyone involved and the help of a professional can certainly not take away the pain, but can help you through these times in a gentle manner.

Please remember that it can be hard on the floral designer helping you. I hear of a child passing and I usually think of a sympathy tribute that our designers made for a young couple that lost their child when we first started our store. It was a beautiful teddy bear made of blue tinted carnations. We replicated that same bear for a number of years and placed it on the grave. The couple has moved to a different part of the country now and I don’t believe they have continued it any longer. Aside from the beauty of the hand crafted floral teddy bear, what I remember the most is that each year the designers who made it every year did not do it without tears in their eyes!

Besides teddy bears, I have seen our designers do many different types of tributes with sympathy flowers. They have made special casket pieces and easels with pictures on them of the deceased featuring what was the most important, or favorite thing or hobby in the person’s life. Some of the most colorful and unique have been for fishermen, featuring fishing creels and lures or fishing flies intermixed among the greens you would find alongside a stream or lake, like salal leaves and sword ferns. I know other florists do this as well, as I have seen some at the mortuary flower rooms when we deliver flowers prior to a service.

Little things like what do you say on a sympathy card can be a real trial at a time of grief and extreme stress. How do you know what to say in so few words? To some nationalities the type of flower or the color can mean different things and a simple thing like sending the wrong color of flower can possibly send a whole different meaning than what were your intentions were. I am not saying to not send flowers, for I believe that our strongest remembrances are the pictures we all carry in our heads and I believe that beautiful flowers are a pleasant image we do not forget. Ask most wives what flowers their husband gave them for last Valentine’s Day or what flowers were used in their wedding and they can usually tell you in minute detail. Flowers are an extremely strong visual remembrance and send a gentle message of caring.

Since Gallery Florist is in the business of delivering flowers to funeral homes, we read the obituaries in the paper every day. One of my jobs is to cut out the obituaries from the Columbian and post them for the designers and delivery people. I often read at the bottom of an obituary “In lieu of flowers donate to…” My recommendation is to do both if you can. The donation is important, but will not be remembered by the family like the visual that sympathy flowers, or a plant basket sent to the home project.

When you go to your florist to order something to go to a funeral service or to the family, you should know, as much as possible, a little about where you are sending to flowers to.

A large part of our job as florists is finding where and when the service will be held and if it is in another state, or part of the world, which without the worldwide services of FTD, could be a real challenge. We will find another florist for you that will send exactly what you want and have it arrive on time. All too often we will have someone come in at noon and want to send a funeral spray to a service in, say New York, for a service at 4 PM. Remembering the time difference and the time it takes to make the special piece and deliver it, it just isn’t possible. In a case like that, we would suggest a floral arrangement or a living plant be sent to the family. Knowing the name of the town they will be sent to and correct spellings of names are little things that can save much time and frustration.

Your florist will belong to a wire service. At Gallery Florist we belong to FTD, and have for over twenty years. Each wire service has a book of arrangements you can choose from to select what you want to send to the service or to the family. You can also find this on the Internet at www.galleryflorist.net, or www.ftd.com. Even though we are FTD and on the Internet, I would strongly recommend contacting your local florist for sympathy flowers! What you see and would like to choose in the book, or on the Internet, may not be available at the florist closest to where the service will be held. Even in our global economy today, having fresh orchids or other special flowers readily available in small towns and even large cities, in much of this country still is not possible yet. Your florist can quickly communicate with the florists who are nearest to the service and check availability and try to alleviate any possible problems with the order, so it will be at the service fresh, beautiful, on time, looking like what you saw in the picture you chose and want to communicate your feelings with.

Some of the sympathy offerings you might choose to send in remembrance are:

Casket pieces are normally selected by the immediate family of the deceased and may be made of about any flower the family chooses that are available to the florist making the arrangement.

Easels can be sent by anyone and are a very striking way to show tribute. They may have script attached, as any piece, that might say “Beloved Father” or any thing that might be fitting for the occasion. Some examples of easel shapes are sprays, hearts, crosses or other special shapes that might represent an organization that the deceased belonged to.

Sympathy floral arrangements and plants may be sent to the service, or to the home of the family or loved one. If you didn’t find out about the time of the service until it is too late to send to the service, sending to the home is a good choice. Sometimes the family will take these arrangements home to enjoy and help in the healing process. Another option besides a living plant might be a special tree, or even a rose bush, that can last many years.

Another special thing that is sometimes done by the family is to have boutonnière’s for each of the pallbearer’s in the funeral party. They may be designed to match to match the flowers in the casket piece.

When sending sympathy flowers to other countries, in my opinion, it is best that you work with a florist. FTD has a special book of floral choices that is specific for different countries and cultures. Some of the arrangements that are used in other countries are often quite different than what we would send here. There are definite things you would not want to send and certain colors can have specific meanings in some lands. In our country white is a color of weddings and happiness, while in Japan or China it would be the correct color to send for a sympathy arrangement, as it is a color of mourning there. When sending flowers worldwide, florists work in a universal currency exchange, Florens, which makes the exchange rate easier to convert. You are able to send flowers to almost any country, with the exception of only four or five countries, such as North Korea.

We all will have the need to express our feelings to loved ones or neighbors, coworkers, acquaintance, friend etc., in our lifetimes.

Flowers are a way of showing our feelings that are visual and make pleasant memories of what is to most of us a very unpleasant time in our lives. Working with a professional florist can make the experience a little easier. At Gallery Florist we stay open seven days a week to help in these situations. We understand that in time of grief, people can sometime not remember how to spell their sister’s name, much less know her exact address, or how to spell the name of the town she lives in. We can help with those things, as we do it every day! I am extremely proud of the compassion shown by our designers and sales associates and know that other florists are as caring when you need to express your feelings of sympathy by sending flowers. I am certain that all the people in the floral industry will tell you that one of the nicest things about being a florist is to be able to help people in times of joy as well as sorrow.

All the pictures in this article may be found in the "Sympathy" section on this site or in the "Gallery Florist Exclusive" section.

Link to The Columbian Obituary section for times and dates!

To check for information about service times and arrangements The Vancouver Columbian, our local newspaper, is an excellent source of information!